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Sally Ragdoll

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COMPUTER! [Mar. 4th, 2013|07:24 pm]
Sally Ragdoll
Oh my god! My computer is finally back to meeeeee! It's been inoperable since early December and I've been going slowly insane. The livejournal app for my iPad was completely ridiculous, so I haven't kept up - but I hope to now!
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(no subject) [Jan. 23rd, 2013|11:32 pm]
Sally Ragdoll
[Tags|]

Fuck.


That is all.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

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(no subject) [Nov. 9th, 2012|01:40 pm]
Sally Ragdoll
I don't post a lot, so I thought I would say hello to livejournal land. Life is pretty good. Husband is good. Puppy is good. Kitties are....plentiful, but good.

My job is less terrible than it was. The key is I don't get mad now. I mean, I get frustrated, but there is no point in getting angry. It just raises my blood pressure and doesn't help the kids. It's scary how cold you have to be about things. A kid is being a distraction? You make them leave. You don't yell, you don't bargain, you just eliminate the problem and salvage the class. Try with that kid next week. There isn't really any other choice. When a whole class is being unruly, I threaten to take away something they want. If they step in line, it worked, if they don't, they lose what they wanted and do better in the future. It's not perfect but it seems to be working thus far.

I don't know if nostalgia blocks my memory of it, but I can't for my life remember anyone in my classes having the behavior problems I see today. I don't think it's a lack of memory - when I tell my dad what I deal with he's amazed. 40 years of teaching and he hasn't seen the things I've seen in 3 months. Is it as simple as "kids these days" or parents being lenient or anything of that nature? I don't know. All I know is that the students I have to worry about far outnumber the ones who are happy to sit and listen and follow instruction - who have fun with music. The ratios are all wrong. I've read books about children who test - who say "or what?" when you give them instruction. It's supposed to be about 5-10 percent of students who respond this way. That's not the statistic I'm seeing. Maybe it's because I'm in a rural area...honestly, they are about 10 years behind the rest of the world.

Oh well. I don't know. I'm rambling at this point. What I was trying to get across is that I think I might survive this year - then who knows? Part of me wants to stay there for the students who have come to depend on me, and love seeing me every week. Part of me knows it's really a shit position, with little to no benefits that is too far away from the rest of my life.

Eh, that's future talk and future talk is generally futile. Ok, I'm done.

In other news - the sweetest, most body and heart warming, lovely sensation in the world? When my dog burrows under the blankets and positions herself between Ryan and me, then rests her head on my arm and snuggles in to sleep. Best. Ever.

LOVE and all that!!!!
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(no subject) [Aug. 10th, 2012|01:38 am]
Sally Ragdoll
So, today was truly awful.

It started out kind of listless - not bad, but not very good. I just wanted to relax, and that didn't seem to be in the works.

Then the vet called to say that Hausschwein, my bunny, was all better and we could come pick him up. Of course, this made me very happy and we went to get him. As soon as we took him out of the travel cage, he was very weak and had a hard time standing on his own. Ryan said he was probably weak from the IV, and I had to go to rehearsal, so I scratched his ears and asked Ryan to call the vet.

Rehearsal was awful. I wrecked a song that should have been well within my ability, but I completely choked. And it's one of my favorites! I was so upset.

Then I was on my way to work and decided to stop at my mothers to see if my Aunt was awake because I haven't seen her in a long time and she arrived today. She was asleep, so I went back to my car to go to work - and the battery had died in the 5 minutes I was in my mother's house. Nothing was on - it just died for no real reason. Then I get to work and suddenly Ryan is there and he takes me aside and tells me Hausschwein died.

So now I'm at work, crying about my rabbit, and I'm so mad at myself that I left. I could have been late for rehearsal. Why didn't I stay and make sure everything was ok?

I know some people might think I'm weird for getting this upset over a rabbit, but he was Ryan and my oldest baby and I loved him dearly. I didn't even get one last snuggle.

I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow - I mean, it is my bachelorette party day afterall - but I'm feeling pretty down right now. All I want to do is go home and snuggle with my dog and cats and cry.
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Seriously? [Jul. 13th, 2012|05:51 pm]
Sally Ragdoll
Ryan's mother isn't coming to the wedding.
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(no subject) [Jun. 11th, 2012|12:49 am]
Sally Ragdoll
Ryan's mother called my sister today to tell her that she would not be able to make it to my wedding shower. She needs to "get her strength up" for the wedding. Which is 2 months away.

I'm not surprised...but I'm still pissed.
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(no subject) [Jun. 7th, 2012|10:45 pm]
Sally Ragdoll
I just read through all of my entries and comments to those entries since 2009. I have decided several things.

1) I'm so fucking happy I found Ryan
2) My friends are AMAZING
3) I miss you guys so much and hope I can make it until I see you all again.
4)I have a horrible memory - most of the shit I wrote about I had to think really hard to remember...
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Unable to express how angry I am. [May. 30th, 2012|08:31 pm]
Sally Ragdoll
Ok. So. I generally think I am a laid back person. I'm sure there are several high maintenance people who believe this of themselves as well, but hopefully I have a bit more self-awareness than that...but I digress. As I said, I generally avoid confrontation like the plague, I never step on people's toes, and I try to make sure everyone is as happy with a situation as is possible. Even if it's something simple like where to get dinner, I always want the person I'm with to get their restaurant choice - stupid stuff like that.

However, I am getting married. And one thing I have come to realize with a kind of unexpected awe is that my wedding is literally all about Ryan and I. As in, I could freak out and demand all of these strange things and always get my way and people would just say, "Well, she's the bride!" This idea baffles me...but it is also kind of awesome. I don't think I have really used this strange power much - I've been relaxed with my bridesmaids and Ryan has gotten his way on anything that he really chimed in on - but just the thought that on that amazing weekend, I can be a little selfish and it's completely expected is kind of exciting.

I don't want to be a bridezilla or anything, nor do I think I could be, it takes effort to get that upset about nothing, but I do want my wedding to go my way. I can't think of a less self centered way to put it, so there it is.

Anyhow, this has all been building up to the fact that my fucking in-laws are RUINING this blessed feeling of entitlement. Ryan and I shopped around for the rehearsal dinner site. We had to, his family lives 4 hours away at a minimum. We found the perfect spot, it's beautiful, the food is freakin' amazing and the owner is a personal friend who gave us an AMAZING deal. The restaurant is cozy and sweet and the room we would be in is family style and sits about 40 people. The only slightly down side is that it's in Whitehall which is a bit of a haul, but totally doable especially if we all carpool.

Then his family decided that my rehearsal dinner - MY REHEARSAL DINNER - was going to DOUBLE as their fucking family reunion. YUP! My wedding party has to sit and have the traditional meal with 75 FUCKING PEOPLE I HAVE NEVER MET! It is supposed to be an intimate gathering with the people we love supporting Ryan and I. Now, on top of that already ATROCIOUS situation, they want to have a pig roast. Now, on any other occassion, bring it on. I love me some pig. HOWEVER, my mother is shelling out 20 times what they are looking at for cash, and they want to do a fucking pig roast for MY FUCKING REHEARSAL DINNER with 75 FUCKING PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW with POTATO SALAD and FUCKING BAKED BEANS.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

I have never been so inarticulately livid in my LIFE. This makes me so fucking blindingly fucking saying fuck again fucking angry I can't breathe properly.

They are making it abundantly clear that they DON'T give a shit about WHY everyone is getting together, just that they are. My family wants to get together, too. In fact, they rented a pavilion at Bomoseen so that we could have a reunion as well. Oh yeah, they also rented it THE DAY AFTER SO THAT THEY WOULDN'T INTERFERE WITH THE FUCKING REEEESAAASSSOOOONNN EVERYONE IS COMING! It's almost like they are RESPECTING the fact the I'M GETTING FUCKING MARRIED and that's kind of a BIG FUCKING DEAL. Imagine that?

Luckily, Ryan is backing me up on this but he's also a complete pushover with his parents. I understand his dilemma, I do. They are paying so he doesn't want to ask for anything. But it's our weekend. It's our big time. It's the only time I will ever feel this important. My mother has been so incredible and understanding. We have compromised on a few things she insisted upon, but in general, she gives me her opinions and feedback, but I have been allowed to make all of the decisions. Also, the stupid fact is that we can absolutely afford to pay for the rehearsal dinner ourselves - which Ryan is offering to do.

We'll see what ends up happening, and I know I sound like a child who isn't getting her way but if there was ever a time in life where I should be allowed to have a perfect weekend, isn't this it? What gives them the right to make it about them? They are too lazy to organize an actual reunion, so they steal other people's events.

Also, why are they trying to make this happen now? 79 days. That's how much time we have. Ryan and I were shopping for a venue for the rehearsal dinner for months, and suddenly they waddle in, make a few phone calls and change everything. It's absurd.

I'm sorry, this post is so long and I just keep spinning my wheels and going in circles. Please don't think less of me for my outrage, but it is genuine and I don't see it going anywhere... UGH.

EMOTION!
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This is a new low point. [Apr. 5th, 2012|10:09 am]
Sally Ragdoll
Soooo....

I've been obsessively watching The Guild. It's amazing. I finished it, which is really sad. Not because I spent the time, but because there is no more. So, because of my stupid impressionability (apparently an actual word?) I downloaded WoW.

This is all backstory.

So, today, I'm a little drunk (overnights, not alcoholism if you can see what time I posted this) and decide I'm going to totally read some sexy literature and get down with my bad self (Ryan is at work). I look at a few dirty lit titles and decide....that I would rather play WoW.

Seriously. New low.
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(no subject) [Mar. 30th, 2012|05:28 am]
Sally Ragdoll
Ok, so going off my birth control has had strange side effects.

Two are noticeable.

I want to have sex constantly.

I'm super attracted to random people I was never attracted to before.

One of these is a good thing. The other is mostly annoying. Stupid sex drive.
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